Helping My Daughter Learn How To Sleep and My "Sleep Sense" Review
“Sleep is the power source that keeps your mind alert and calm. Every night and at every nap, sleep recharges the brain’s battery. Sleeping well increases brainpower just as weight lifting builds stronger muscles, because sleeping well increases your attention span and allows you to be physically relaxed
and mentally alert at the same time. Then you are at your personal best.”
– Dr. Marc Weissbluth
Right now, E will take decent naps (we are getting better about sleeping straight through them and not waking up every 20 mins), go down without a fight at night (praise the heavens!), and wake every 3-4 hours to get a drink of milk and go right back to sleep. This is INFINITELY better than it used to be, but at her 4 month visit with our pediatrician that we had last week, he said that she could definitely start sleep training and for sure doesn't need any night time feedings. Now, I know as a mom to take everyone's advice with a grain of salt, and that all babies learn new things in their own time, but I have noticed that when Elle will sleep for longer stretches we both function SO much better! That means that I need to get rid of those dang feedings in the middle of the night, but how?
A friend of mine let me borrow "The Sleep Sense Program", by Dana Obleman, and so while I laid there at 4:45 am, I read it, and found some really good stuff! Now, I'm not going to include everything from her book on here- #1- that would be copyright infringement, #2- you need to read it for yourself, #3-this is just a review. But here are some things that I found in it that I really like!
She teaches you how to establish a bedtime routine, says that you need to eliminate soothers that your baby depends on you to give them, says that you can let them have a stuffed animal or tiny blanket for them to soothe themselves with, says you can allow your baby to cry but that you can check on them as much as you want, and that the average times for sleep training is 45 mins a day, in 5-10 days.
The best part about the book is that she has sleep strategies broken down in chapters for all different ages: babies newborn-3 months, 3 months-1 year, 1 year and up, she has a whole chapter on napping, and a whole chapter devoted to problems that can arise! She also provides tips for success for nighttime and nap time sleep training, and those I will share, because I feel like they give you a good intro to her book without giving too much of the juicy content away.
Dana Obleman's Tips for Success With Nighttime Sleep Training
1. Be consistent. Once you have chosen your method for teaching your child to fall asleep on her own, you need to be consistent 100% of the time! If you give up or start changing the rules every night, you will frustrate and confuse your child, and you will end up making the situation even worse.
2. Be predictable. Children thrive on predictability and structure. Ensure that your bedtime routine is done in the exact same order every single night – at least until your baby gets the hang of things. Of course, your child will constantly test and push the rules of bedtime – especially when she hits the toddler years – but she will always be reassured when she finds that the rules stay the same no matter what she does.
3. Work as a team. Many of my clients find that the process of teaching their child to sleep through the night works better if they work as a team and if Dad handles the majority of the night wakings – especially if your little one is waking in the night expecting to be nursed. Being nursed by Dad is not an option and your little one already knows this. As a mother, if you go into your child’s bedroom at night but aren’t planning on nursing, it’s a little bit like holding cake up to someone but not letting him have a bite! For many parents, letting Dad handle the night wakings makes the process go a whole lot more smoothly. Your little one might be a little disappointed at first when he sees Dad in the night instead of Mom, but he’ll usually go back to sleep much more quickly. As a bonus, most fathers get a sense of empowerment and satisfaction in playing such a big role in helping their baby fall asleep on her own. Many dads have absolutely no role in putting their baby to bed, and they often feel helpless when their wife gets up in the middle of the night for the fifth time in eight hours.
1. Be consistent. Once you have chosen your method for teaching your child to fall asleep on her own, you need to be consistent 100% of the time! If you give up or start changing the rules every night, you will frustrate and confuse your child, and you will end up making the situation even worse.
2. Be predictable. Children thrive on predictability and structure. Ensure that your bedtime routine is done in the exact same order every single night – at least until your baby gets the hang of things. Of course, your child will constantly test and push the rules of bedtime – especially when she hits the toddler years – but she will always be reassured when she finds that the rules stay the same no matter what she does.
3. Work as a team. Many of my clients find that the process of teaching their child to sleep through the night works better if they work as a team and if Dad handles the majority of the night wakings – especially if your little one is waking in the night expecting to be nursed. Being nursed by Dad is not an option and your little one already knows this. As a mother, if you go into your child’s bedroom at night but aren’t planning on nursing, it’s a little bit like holding cake up to someone but not letting him have a bite! For many parents, letting Dad handle the night wakings makes the process go a whole lot more smoothly. Your little one might be a little disappointed at first when he sees Dad in the night instead of Mom, but he’ll usually go back to sleep much more quickly. As a bonus, most fathers get a sense of empowerment and satisfaction in playing such a big role in helping their baby fall asleep on her own. Many dads have absolutely no role in putting their baby to bed, and they often feel helpless when their wife gets up in the middle of the night for the fifth time in eight hours.
Keep in mind that those first few nights can be very hard work. If you and your partner aren't going to work as a team, your job will become much harder. You both need to agree on your plan and take turns helping out with bedtime and night wakings. Some couples trade off nights, while others break up the night into halves. Whatever your plan, make sure you work on it together!
4. Be strong. The first two nights will be the most difficult, and this is when most parents will decide to give up. You need to be especially strong during these first couple of nights. Make sure your partner is around to support you, or invite some sympathetic friends or family over to help you through the first couple of trying nights. And remember that what you are doing is going to immensely improve not just your baby’s quality of life, but everyone else’s as well. Once you’re getting enough sleep again, you’ll be amazed at how much happier and more energetic you’ll feel. Your friends, family, and coworkers will notice the difference too!
4. Be strong. The first two nights will be the most difficult, and this is when most parents will decide to give up. You need to be especially strong during these first couple of nights. Make sure your partner is around to support you, or invite some sympathetic friends or family over to help you through the first couple of trying nights. And remember that what you are doing is going to immensely improve not just your baby’s quality of life, but everyone else’s as well. Once you’re getting enough sleep again, you’ll be amazed at how much happier and more energetic you’ll feel. Your friends, family, and coworkers will notice the difference too!
Dana Obleman's Tips for Success With Nap Time Training
1. Find your child’s “window.” Many infant sleep specialists talk about finding the window of opportunity for getting your little one to bed. This is the time when your child is clearly starting to get tired, but is still calm and lucid. If you can get your child into his crib for his nap at this time, things will be a whole lot easier. If you miss the “window” and your child is allowed to become cranky, frantic, and just plain overtired, he is sure to protest and cry a lot more at naptime. Remember: When you begin teaching your child these new sleep skills, you are both going to be testing the waters. There will likely be some trial and error as you experiment with different naptimes and techniques for getting your child to sleep during the day.
2. Be respectful of naptime. You don’t need to tiptoe around the house
when your child is napping, but try to keep the noise down as much as possible. You should also be making an effort to be at home during naptime and not expecting your little one to fit his naps into your errand schedule. When you are first implementing your new sleep plan, it is especially important not to take your child on outings during naptime. This may mean that you have to juggle your schedule for a couple of weeks to ensure that you are home during the day and your child is able to nap in the same place at the same time every day. (A good strategy is to be ready to leave your house as soon as your child wakes up from one nap, and plan to be back home in time for the next nap.)
3. Wait until naps are going well before experimenting. Eventually, you’re going to want to take your child over to a friend or family member’s place when it’s naptime. However, I highly recommend that you make sure your child is comfortable with her new nap schedule before you start experimenting with it.
4. Proper naptimes can take longer to establish. You might find that your child has begun to go to bed nicely and sleep through the night, but is still struggling with naptime. This is quite common, because your child will be feeling more rested from a full night’s sleep, and daytime is so fun! Who wants to sleep when you could be playing? If your child is starting to resist naptime, don’t give up. He eventually will begin to understand that naptime is also non‐negotiable and will go to sleep more easily.
As for our little family, right now E's routine for naps is pretty simple: Mommy makes sure she is not wet, cuddles her, lays her down, puts on her music (with an awesome little invention by Munchkin called the "Nursery Projector & Sound System"- it's awesome!), gives her milk, and she drinks a little bit, and then coos herself to sleep while Mommy lays next to her. Then her bedtime routine is: bath, Johnson's Baby Bedtime Lotion, two stories, a bottle, cuddles with Mommy and Daddy, her music and projector, and she's out! Then, during the middle of the night and during her naps she will wake up for that dang bottle! I know she's still little, and that it will keep progressively getting better. If it was totally healthy for her to keep waking up during her sleep, I would be totally fine with it (I'm kind of at the point where I function on very little sleep), but I know she needs her sleep to be a healthy and happy baby, and I know that it is important for her to learn how to self-soothe.
I might not agree with everything in this book, but I do like that she wants you to help your baby learn how to self-soothe, that you can comfort your baby as much as you want (you don't have to ignore them), and that you establish healthy schedules, routines, and habits as a family.
E is still kind of little, so I'm going to try employing some of her methods slowly, but I should have an update on our sleep training journey in the next couple of months! Stay tuned!
1. Find your child’s “window.” Many infant sleep specialists talk about finding the window of opportunity for getting your little one to bed. This is the time when your child is clearly starting to get tired, but is still calm and lucid. If you can get your child into his crib for his nap at this time, things will be a whole lot easier. If you miss the “window” and your child is allowed to become cranky, frantic, and just plain overtired, he is sure to protest and cry a lot more at naptime. Remember: When you begin teaching your child these new sleep skills, you are both going to be testing the waters. There will likely be some trial and error as you experiment with different naptimes and techniques for getting your child to sleep during the day.
2. Be respectful of naptime. You don’t need to tiptoe around the house
when your child is napping, but try to keep the noise down as much as possible. You should also be making an effort to be at home during naptime and not expecting your little one to fit his naps into your errand schedule. When you are first implementing your new sleep plan, it is especially important not to take your child on outings during naptime. This may mean that you have to juggle your schedule for a couple of weeks to ensure that you are home during the day and your child is able to nap in the same place at the same time every day. (A good strategy is to be ready to leave your house as soon as your child wakes up from one nap, and plan to be back home in time for the next nap.)
3. Wait until naps are going well before experimenting. Eventually, you’re going to want to take your child over to a friend or family member’s place when it’s naptime. However, I highly recommend that you make sure your child is comfortable with her new nap schedule before you start experimenting with it.
4. Proper naptimes can take longer to establish. You might find that your child has begun to go to bed nicely and sleep through the night, but is still struggling with naptime. This is quite common, because your child will be feeling more rested from a full night’s sleep, and daytime is so fun! Who wants to sleep when you could be playing? If your child is starting to resist naptime, don’t give up. He eventually will begin to understand that naptime is also non‐negotiable and will go to sleep more easily.
As for our little family, right now E's routine for naps is pretty simple: Mommy makes sure she is not wet, cuddles her, lays her down, puts on her music (with an awesome little invention by Munchkin called the "Nursery Projector & Sound System"- it's awesome!), gives her milk, and she drinks a little bit, and then coos herself to sleep while Mommy lays next to her. Then her bedtime routine is: bath, Johnson's Baby Bedtime Lotion, two stories, a bottle, cuddles with Mommy and Daddy, her music and projector, and she's out! Then, during the middle of the night and during her naps she will wake up for that dang bottle! I know she's still little, and that it will keep progressively getting better. If it was totally healthy for her to keep waking up during her sleep, I would be totally fine with it (I'm kind of at the point where I function on very little sleep), but I know she needs her sleep to be a healthy and happy baby, and I know that it is important for her to learn how to self-soothe.
I might not agree with everything in this book, but I do like that she wants you to help your baby learn how to self-soothe, that you can comfort your baby as much as you want (you don't have to ignore them), and that you establish healthy schedules, routines, and habits as a family.
E is still kind of little, so I'm going to try employing some of her methods slowly, but I should have an update on our sleep training journey in the next couple of months! Stay tuned!
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